to me..you are just full of bullshit..theres nothing wrong with wanting to belong..but there is something wrong with denying it..sighh..maybe i shouldnt blame you..mabe you just dont kno tht tht is the way you are..you look pathetic frm my side..majorly pathetic..but ooh well..im fine with not belonging..im fine..i dnt yearn to have it the way youdo..but im not saying i dnt get upset abt it..afterall loneliness hits everyone..stop putting up a facade..cause im sure..many can see right through it..i can..
recently..the things tht have happened made me look you twice..and hah..its weird..i never thought i would see you like how i see you now..im just being a coward by not telling you how bull you are..but maybe..i just dnt wana tarr our friendship..i can see what you are thinking of me now..but i guess..u dnt dare tell it to me either..but i think your reason is not abt tarring our friendship..but because..all you wana is to belong..admit it..you just want to be a part of it..admit it..you just wana follow and be accepted..but ultimately..its God's acceptance tht matters..(though it really isnt an issue since God accepts everyone)im sure you kno it too..
you made me look you twice..and im confused puzzled peeved and hurt cause of how you look now..
v
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Wednesday, March 31, 2004
I must admit, eversince i met you guys and cell started out, I've never been open about God to other people besides myself. yeah. Since there's nothing much to express now. I'll just type out lyrics okay??
You know tt i love You
You know tt i wanna know You so much
more than i have before
these words are from my heeart
these words are not made up
I will live for You
I am devoted to You
King of majesty
i have one desire
just to be with You my lord(x2)
Jesus You are the saviour of my soul (hey hey hey hey hey hey hey)
and forever and ever i'll give my praises to you (oh oh oh oh)
King of majesty by Hillsongs Australia
haha. vank!hope you got the words..
hmm.. Jesus, you're all i need!
I really wanna be a good and faithful servant of God. God has been so good to everyone of us. He even gave his life for us. I really want to be a Godly person. yeah, i dont wanna keep living the life tt i am. it sucks. I realised tt I really need God in my life. He is all that I and we need!! I just wanna linger in God's presence day by day.. how nice it'd be!
I love you, God
Your aspiring good and faithful servant(=
bbbbeeeeeebbbbssss!!!
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Tuesday, March 30, 2004
I really cant seem to find any reason to His actions. First A comes, then B comes and now A returns. Just what the hell. I really dont want to make the same mistake again. But I dont seem to be in control of my feelings, maybe I've been trying too hard. It's the only way to go down with this game, this game which I really wanna quit. This game sucks. you got me so involved the other time.. Im caught with it now. This just isnt the right time.. I wanna get outta this abyss. This is helluva damn horrible one. argh! im just sitting down here waiting for you to appear.. I cant wait for next week!! i mean i cant wait for SATURDAY.hee, i wanna go bac to sec one when you would pull my hair and anticipate how i would react.. hah. then we wld fight to get the purple cup and we would stack up 10 pieces of sugar biscuits to last you for the entire lesson, when everyone else got either 2 or 3.. hah! then we would be partners for our experiments and mess the whole experiment up.. like the other time we got scolding from mrs yap when you connected the batt and the wires wrongly and we taught everyone else the wrong thing. ahhhah! oh, how could i forget dragon?hahahha.. i cant wait to go back to then. but you seem different this time. you've grown huge, still lookswise the same. still very amiable,very friendly. it was because of you i flunked my sec one science for the first semester. thanks.. and as for you, im gonna try all i can to avoid you, to avoid it. if we were meant to be, my actions would not mean anything, would it? im caught in a freaked-up dilemma. HELP!!
call me:)
bev.
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Saturday, March 27, 2004
ballet today was fun fun fun fun FUNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!cause we did pointe for the entire 1 1/2 hrs..yay!!!!feel as if ive fallen in love with ballet all over again..and i like the feeling..i realised if i ever go pro..i only wanna do fast tempo..slow ones are so BORRING..wana do those with all the flying ard, turning..yay!!!!
sighh..i need to get to a church asap..its terrifying..God's coming..and what am i doing???????ahh..i really need to get to one..but how?!?!?!?!??must wait till chi o's are over..which is like in 2 months?!?!?!?!!?so longg.....sighh..then i must wait even more..grrrrrrr..why must i wait..i hate waiting..i want time to go by soooo fast..tht i really cant catch my breath..but yarh..before i kno it..it already is after my chi o's..anyway..tmr brings the closing of this week..which means..one week closer to chi os..and one week closer to going to church..really..i dno if i should be rejoicing or not..
Jesus You are tthe saviour of my soul...and forever and ever I'll give my praises to you.yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!im coming im coming..wait for me okay??????im coming..i know its ridiculous to be asking You to wait but pls????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????i wana come along too..pls wait..thanks..
vanK
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Saturday, March 27, 2004
some people wish to turn back time..me????for now..i wana fastforward and find myself somewhere in life SUCCESSFUL for the first time..
van k
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Friday, March 26, 2004
Read only if you have time for God
Let me tell you, make sure you read all the way to the bottom. I almost deleted this email but I was blessed when I got to the end.
Subject: READ ONLY IF YOU HAVE TIME FOR GOD
God, when I received this e-mail, I thought...
I don't have time for this... And, this is really inappropriate during work.
Then, I realized that this kind of thinking is... Exactly, what has caused lot of the problems in our world today.
We try to keep God in church on Sunday morning...
Maybe, Sunday night...
And, the unlikely event of a midweek service.
We do like to have Him around during sickness...
And, of course, at funerals.
However, we don't have time, or room, for Him during work or play...
Because... That's the part of our lives we think.. We can, and should, handle on our own.
May God forgive me for ever thinking...
That... there is a time or place where...
HE is not to be FIRST in my life.
We should always have time to remember all HE has done for us.
If, You aren't ashamed to do this...
Please follow the directions.
Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be
ashamed of you before my Father."
Not ashamed?
Pass this on ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT!!
Yes, I do Love God.
HE is my source of existence and Savior.
He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. Without Him, I am nothing. But, with Christ, HE strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) This is the simplest tes t.
If You Love God... And, are not ashamed of all the marvelous things HE
has done for you...
Send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you!
I don't think I know 10 people who would admit they love Jesus. Do You love Him?
THE POEM
I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do. I had to hurry and get to work For bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.
All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer. No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes. For in his hands God held a book; It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
"Your name I cannot find.
I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time"
Now do you have the time to pass it on?
Make sure that you scroll through to the end.
Easy vs. Hard
Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to
tell a lie
Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?
Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about nasty stuff?
Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, but yet so easy to look at a nasty one?
Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e- ma il, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones?
Why are the churches getting smaller but yet the bars and dance clubs are getting larger?
Do you give up? Think about it . Are you going to forward this, or delete it?
Just remember-God is watching you. Prayer Wheel-Let's see the devil stop this one!
Here's what the wheel is all about. When you receive this, say a prayer for the person that sent it to you....
That's all you have to do....
There is nothing attached....
This is so powerful....
Do not stop the wheel, please....
Of all the free gifts we may receive, Prayer is the very best one....
There are no costs, but wonderful rewards... GOD BLESS!
May God keep you and bless you. If this doesn't give you chills, nothing will...this message is very true. Hope you are all as blessed as I was from this story. I wonder how many people will delete this without reading it because of the title on it?
There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak..."I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the
bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?" "Just some old birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time." "But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?"
"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy.
"They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."
The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?"
"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, "$10?"
The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone.
The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free.
Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked. "Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly. "How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"
"How much?" He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."
Jesus said, "DONE!"
Then He paid the price.
The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the pulpit.
Notes: Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).
Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding
the Lord, people think twice about sharing?
Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me.
I pray, for everyone who sends this to their entire address book, they
will be blessed by God in a way special for them.
And send it back to the person who sent it, to let them know that indeed it was sent out to many more.
God bless
David Godwin
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Wednesday, March 24, 2004
i just keep thinking there will be solutions..i just keep thinking its alright..after my chi os are over..i can go to church and hopefully hange my pathetic relationship(if it qualifies as one)..i just keep thinking my situation can be salvaged..but..what if God comes before my chi o's??????i dno what to do..i kno..when i stand before the Lord..sadly..He might say..sorry..i cant find your name..then how..its not about going to heaven..its abt failing to give my love to Him..
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Tuesday, March 23, 2004
theres just so many sides of you..i dno whos the real you..maybe all youve been feeding me with were lies..plain plain lies..maybe i just dnt wana kno if they are..what for?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!you kno wad?!?!?!?!two can play at this game..and i'll play it with you..we'll see whos the master of hyp kaes???!?!?!?!?i'll playy alongg..
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Monday, March 22, 2004
ohno. sorry vk. you called when i was in the shower right? yeah, after that i didnt hear the phone ring.. why? cos my bro was hogging the phone and i fell asleep. sorry!! how bout tonight? okay. I just realised that i've been borned into a really weird family.. you may call it a blessing, but.. anyways. my elder bro is a freak. he's so desperate to spread his wings and fly away.. out of this dog-eat-dog s'pore. he cant wait to go overseas to study.. ucla? cool. in retrospect. I desperately do NOT want to go overseas. i'd rather finish my As in s'pore, i really wanna spend jc life here, esp in ac. it'll be a diff'n story after i finish my As, but Ahh! and, i made an amazing discovery.. my younger bro is a freak personified. seriously. he just tried to intimidate me with his very muscular bod.. very. yucks, it was disgusting. his hands(not palms) were like rectangular in shape.. not the cylindrical one we see. and his veins were like bulging off his skin as if they were a different thing on its own. yucks! i cant go on anymore.. this is getting sick. i really dont see any charm in overly-muscular guys..muscular guys are hot, but overly.. yucks. he just cant get it, taking that im a girl? ahh. weird family. ohh, plus my dad.. he adds to it the most. he got the chance to be interviewed on international tv about some golf crap and his golf club but he declined it and asked someone else to do the interview and he'll do the display of the right way of playing golf, like all his 'perfect' swings.. blah blah. isn't it dumb? some ppl try to hard to be on tv whereas my dad.. man. my mum, one word-corny. like she spent so much time deciding on the colour of our car.. so got us to sit down and think hard bout it(?) and when we decided grey.. she said silver was better. so all that time spent deciding the colour was wasted. man! okay, at least i was brought into this family to strike a balance.. good. anyway why did i start ranting on and on and on about my family? like no one would be interested to know right? nvm, guess i didnt know what to type.
so, i'll just go back to eating my triple choc delight brownie..
i guess that was the sweetest thing that happened to me this hols.
and shit!
i havent even finished my homework!!
help!!
bev.
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Sunday, March 21, 2004
U!!!U ASKED ME TO CALL..AND THEN U NEVER PICK MY CALL UP!!!!ARGH..AHH WHAT THE HELL
whatever it is..hope uve sorted things out..hope uve thought things through..i kno how u hide ur feelings..i kno whatkinda weasel u are bout ur own stuff..im not begging to kno what it is..but if u need a ear..scream VANESSA KANG PE SHI!!!and i'll come flying cross expressways..canals and what shit jst to get there kkaes??lighten up dearie..take things as it is..not what it should be..i too am a fool..so dont worry kkaes??then we can win the fools of the wrld award..im really capping..dnt kno what tosay..so long never blogg MANN..u are a good fren..u are my good fren.. as my daddy says it..
"men propose..GOD DISPOSE"things will not be as how we wish it to be always..maybe what u arnt having now is better than what u want to have..i dnt kno if im making sense..im preoccupied with thinking abt a__________..if u had one shot..will u take it..well..i dno..i dno whats keeping me this time..so ahh..
maybe i should just take it..and blow myself..either i swing the wrld..or the wrld swings me..so are..
some pple belong to the wrld..some..the wrld belongs to them..which are you..kkae..tht was so out of syn..
ahh ahh ahhahh..
michael jackson rox!!!totally..like "YOU ROCK MY WORLD"ahhh ahha hha ahaha ahahahahahhaha
a__________ should i give it a sho..i dno..hmmmn..howw?????stepping stone??ahh..what if instead of stepping on it..i trip fall break my neck legs hand feet body...and die???then how??i dno..i never go to ____..unless i kno i'll___then i'll go..but other than tht..thts another way..i"ll go..and definitely ___..yarh..i think i will..yay..but then again mayb not..
yes thts a fine example of fickle woman..no not woman..girl..and for heavens sake..im sec 4!!!!!!!!not sec 2!!!says who i look sc 2???????open ur eyes and look..even if ure cock eyed u still can see right???ahh..
thinking of so many things..so many..i dnt think im thinking..maybe just churning..flipping..like flip flip flip..
ahh
wrds sometimes are not the best form of communication..
for petes sake..i act 16..think 16..look 16 and whatever 16..cause i AM 16..BLOODY HELL!!!!
i feel like getting into a fist fight..dno why..wana fight with u..anyway..i'll winn..i so will..i always win..somehow or another..on sec thought..i wana do something crazy..think for me pls..im getting bored..and some freakshow's been impersonating..
STOP UR IMPERSONATING SHIT..WHERES UR ORIGINALITY DUDE?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?IM GONNA HAND U OVER TO THE POLICE OKAYY????!?!?!??!GET THE HELL OFF MY BACK BEFORE I SUE YOU!!!!!!
everyone says..im not studying..do u think i believe..look at me..do u think i give a shit since u so obv are lieing..
everyone says i haven done my hmw..when i start studying..
im gonna post here..
in capps..
bold if the italics work
i am studying..
lets see who else dares..besides prolly clau..
i dare u freaking assholes..
if uve got the guts..
besides..if u are such a genius..
so clever..tht without studing..u still get ur grades..
why the hell are u in smss????
why the hell are YOU in a normal sch??????
why arnt u in mensa?????
too stupid?????
ooh boy..trust me
everything u are today is because u studied..
everyone does..
stupid stupid stupid..'go on with ur lies
be glad im talking abt u now..
be glad u even measure up to be mentioned on my blog.
ahh
what a looser..
intelligence isnt abt grades..its abt a great deal..
most of it..
how u manage ur time..how u pioritise..
but.
ahh
i guess u are to stupid to understand
take ur kind and go..
stupid..
whatever.
God has mercy on stupid pple like you..
so dont worry..
even if u are tht stupid..
all it takes is u quit lying and love Him..
u'll get to heaven..
hahahhaha
stupid..
vanessa kang pei shi
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Saturday, March 20, 2004
AHH! im so fustrated! Lord, why must it be like this? We trained so damn hard last year for inter-club but it didnt pay off. This year, thanks to the freaking circumstances i CANT bowl, and im dying to! and this yeaar when im not part of the team, technically speaking.. we are doin so well. winning every match. EVERY. argh! life is so unfair. i dont see any good coming out of this. nothing. NOTHING! WHY? i really want to bowl!! man, i think im gonna start breaking down. im a loser.. a real LOSER in every aspect. jjust thinking bout my results makes me wanna puke. i dont make the people ard me happy, esp my very good friend. she's great, you're great, but i've failed to make you happy, i've failed to make my friends happy.. even though i agree true friendship isnt about laughing hahaha. yeah, i've fallen miserably from being a good christian, from being a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend. i've been a fool for these 3mnths waiting like an idiot for you. but you didnt turn up. what else could a fool be.. but me? bev.
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Saturday, March 20, 2004
1st line is EUNICE
2nd is BEEBS
3rd is kang
im BACKKKKKKKK. okae. they're like just beside me blogging their own personal entries but anywayys. sobssobs.
BEEBS is STUPID
SO AM I! hey u took my namee!!
stop it gurliees.
fine. ok. im the loser kae!?
i so totally agree.. lets MOONWALK!! *1..2..3..HIT IT!!*
- every starts moonwalking - OOH YEAH
WUTS!! worship under the stars is coming soooooooonnnnnnnn. OOH YEAHHHHHHHHHH.
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Eunice Ngbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Wednesday, March 10, 2004
its as if my wish was graqnted..its AS IF..i dno..its been sometime already..but..ahh..
i dnt know wads going on now..i really dnt..sometimes i wished life was a road map..a dictionary..i dno..i wish i held the plans of my life in my own hands..not tht i'd handle my life the way i want it..cos then i would have already long been dead with all my experimenting..its not tht im saying the way God is handling my life sux..never..its just tht..i wish He would write down wads gona happen..and i would be much in bliss..but then againn..wont life be sucha bore??????the human mind is never content..ahh
i think im gonna stop blogging all my thoughts down..i think i should keep all these frm prying eyes..i want my emotions to belong to me..and...i guess.blogging is just another form of me helping myself exploit me..ahh..during this period of time..ive been the most open abt my personal stuff..in my 15 odd yrs of life on planet earth..i should start learning to shut up abt myself..nobody asked for it..so yeapp..i should learn..so see you guys in some time..if i can survive..i should start sticking to the conventional..pen paper and staple..or maybe i should just buy myself a book..a diary..yeapp..thts what im gonna do..toodles for now..perhaps mrs captan jack sparrow wont be able to resist..but with determination..I WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!!!AHH!!!
see you..
byee
God bless
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Sunday, March 07, 2004
I read the informative link up there!!
Think about this for a moment: a single cell bacterium has no capacity to comprehend or understand human beings. Likewise, even the simplest aspects of God are way beyond our comprehension. Of course, the difference between God and us is far greater than the difference between the bacterium and us.
Monday is TOMORROW!! YAY!!
Basketball and physics!
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Celestebelieves with God; everything's alrite.Sunday, March 07, 2004
fake
i hate whats fake
but then again,
whats fake provides u with comfort,
if u know what im talking abt.
im going for worship under the starrs..yay!!!three cheers!!!!
i think im exhausting myself coming to blog everydayy..
ahh
i hope wuts will be good..
i hope it'll finally put an end to all my lostness..
i hope to see you there..but what the..
i dnt make sense!!!!!!
yay!!!
i hope i hope i hope..why dnt i just pray..and things will be soooooo much better......yay!!!!
ssee you!!!!!
sch tmr..= pe!!!!ahh!!!!sux..
shitified..PUI!!!!and the irony is..im the pe rep..ahh..
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Sunday, March 07, 2004
to everyone who drops by and reads this blog..u see the advert up there???go check it out..its informative..very..
i finally gotten into the feel of ballet again..ahh..tht took long..but yay..yay for jenna and her right side turnings!!!!!!!!
ive come to the realisation tht i dnt kno myself!!!!despite all the "i know myself better than u..."and what nought..i do kno myself more than anyone else i dare claim..but i dnt really know myself..so..ive decided to start knowing myself and make frens with myself..
uve not updated anything..i dnt have a single clue whats going on..the suspense is keeping me fustrated..i wish there was someway i sould talk to you..but then again no..
ahh..
antangin..everyone who has tummy upset should try it..it wrks..and it tastes good..minty and stuff..
cel!!!!mon is coming coming coming but just not here yet..sighh..
ahh..
i have nothing to say..i dnt know why i came on..so what thhe
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Saturday, March 06, 2004
i started of running ard the big dinning table tht we do not use and chanting-rapping-singing-screaming "ahh spiderr!!!ahh ahh ahh spider!!!along those lines..dont ask me why..i dno either..then i got a bloody hell ear splitting screech frm my mother tht went along something like "u better shut up before i shut u up!!!!"okayy fine..so i stopped..but when uve been repeating a sentence for pete knos how many times..sub consciously..u still continue somehow..and so i atarted of on my first sentence again only to be chased into the toilet by my mom..so i began to bathe..
i was enjoying the run of warmed water against my chheks when i happened to open my eys and guessed what i saw????a SPIDER!!!and so..armed with the shower in one hand..i desperately tried to drown it out and resumed my mindless repeatings of.."ahh spider!!!ahh ahh ahh ahh spiderr!!!!!"before i succeeded in my expedition to kill tht bugg..my mom started hammering on the door..literally..i felt the door tremble under her fists.."IM WARNING YOU.....SHUT UP!!!!!U ARE GETTING ON MY NERVES..CANT I GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET HERE...."YADDLEYADDLEYADDLE..OF COURSE i couldnt hear a single wrds she was saying since i i had suddenly belted out perfect by simple plan and tried to sing my way outta the situation..but things got worse..since i cannot sing..and i have the habit of dragging the perfecttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt..things got way worse..but i only realised tht when i came out of the shower..
"PIAK!!!"right smack across my back..no it wasnt frm my mother it was frm my brother..apparently..he..did not kno tht there are times for things to be done..and times when certain things cannot be done..and he started accusing me for the scolding he got frm my mom insisting it was me whho had caused the uproar in my family..
and so..my day ends..with gloom yet again..
obviously no one appreciates the joy and fun i try to punctuate family life with..wad the hell..
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Friday, March 05, 2004
my bio paper for my os is on my freaking birthday..shit mann..ahhhhhhhhhhh..but at least its the last paper..if my memory doesnt fail me..
last paper..means after tht..everyone would be in the partae mood!!!!then perhaps we'd all be happy..in the mood to celebrate my birthday..but unlss..something bad crops up during the paper..(crosses fingers)and since no one will have time to get me my pressies..then..we can go out and let me find my pressie!!!!!!narh..what matters is we'd all enjoy ourselves..ahhbut before we can get to my birthday..we must get through the os firs..what a wet blanket..but anyways..
me and cel..cel and me..we did something and found out something tht noone in sch knos abt..we shall not disclose our findings..but yarh..i think its seriously due to stress..
we were sitting on the steps..eating..and then i suddenly had the urge to do something bo liao..and i suggested to go sit in the middle of the basketball court since no one was using it..and because the person i suggested to was cel..of cause things went as suggested..and off we went..
when we got there..we got into a small debate..abt just where is the center of the court..finally..we sat facing the center..surrounding the center since two butts cant fit over one center..and yay..we continued eating..then
we decided to measure the ends of the court to find out if they were balanced..and so we got out our "wrong lulers" and started to measure..and as cel had claimed..one side was indeed longer than the other..no..the court wasnt in the center..and so the center was off center and therefore the center we were sitting ard was the center of the off centered court..and so we decided to...
measure the court with our footspans!!!!!and it turned out..my feet were bigger than cels!!!by just tht much..cel..out of her usual excitement..went off half way to record leaving me with another half of the court to walk by myself..and so i continued.and
therefore we found out sometihng noone else knos!!!!!!!!
yay!!!
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Friday, March 05, 2004
whether i have anything to say anot..i feel the urge to come and blog..its as if ive adopted it as part of my daily routine..
i really need to go for the praise and worship session..even if i cant maake it for tht..i dnt mind..anything so tht i can get in touch with God once more..i feel so detached..i wonder why..maybe all i need is sometime alone..in a cathedral..enjoying the silence through which i feel the Lords presence..and communicate with Him..maybe thts what i need..to stop and listen..instead of always complaining..tht i cant hear Him..but then again..how am i supposed to find one??find the time??its not tht i dnt want to find time..i cant..even if i find time..i wont be allowed to use time..but then again..maybe its just cause i havent tried..i want to make it to whatever tht can get me in touch again..whatever..if its meant for me..i kno i'll be able to make it..all ive gotta do is pray abt it..
i thrive on smells!!!i love sniffing my loved ones..lioke frens..family..certain frens..like ah min..hahahah..mom..but no..i dnt like b.o.....but i haven been sniffing for a long time..i wonder why..but i happen to be selective..thts why im attracted to ah mins smell..i dno why..i must sound psycho..or even lesbianified..but i cant help it!!!!!so ah min..if u dnt want me sniffing u..go get b.o pls..to me..sniffing is like a sign of intimacy..so if i like sniffing u..it means i like u..but if i dnt sniff at you..it doesnt mean i dnt like u..i jus happen to like u more than ur smell..(no..ah min..i like u much more then ur smell)..but jus as how some smells are attractive to me..there are many more tht repel me..cause my stomach to go click..and then a certain gurgling feeling starts at the pit of my tummywhy am i telling u all this????..
anyways..celeste is now my new business psrtner..associate or whatever u call it..colleague..we sell copu*****n..so if u are interested in buying..approach us at our counters..whereby we have fresh stock to choose frm..like b**bs..e****e..and manymany more..prices range frm as cheap as .01 cent..right up to a billion..so take ur pick..u can visit us at..wwwwwww.copu*****n.com.buogrefq.....
see you soon!!!!!
van
tht of cause was rubbish yet again.
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Thursday, March 04, 2004
hey beebs!!!!!funny how i wanted to talk abt the thing abt us using the expression too freely..too convieniently..ow we use it as an excuse for everything tht doesnt go our way..the ques was ever exisitent..never left my mind before..but i just preferred to push it to the back..keep it there..because ive got no ans for tht..i dnt have ans for tht ques..but somehow..i kno how it wrks..i just dnt know how to penn itt down..
before i start dwelling on tht..i wana say..according to my interpretation of the bible..God never promised us life rosy..He promised life rosy after death..when we get to heaven..never meant tht if u were God's child..things would go smoothly for u..never meant..never will mean..italics dnt work..bolding doesnt work on my laptop either so i shall forget themm..
frm my favourite book..(because it states tht animals have spirit here in this book but thts beside the point)
ecclesiastes 8:14 reads..:there is something else meaningless tht occurs on earth:righteous men who get what the wicked deserve and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve..
in my small scope of bible reading..i believe..what is meant here as righteous is men of God..cause a righteous men are wicked in my eyes without the Lord..quick evidence is tht all men..christian or not..will experience death..except for tht guy in the old tes..two guys if im not wrong..the very fact tht men christian or not both experience death which in my own dictionary is a mortal process goes to show tht on earth..though we have the Lord on our side..goes through the same things..
okayy..abt using the phrase loosely..i shall attempt to explain what i think..i dnt think it;d be easy..but heck larh..
as christians..i believe tht our common belief is tht God has the control of everything and since tht is the case..it means tht everything tht happens is His doing right??our very exsistence is because of Him..there are aplenty of reasons..i actually had alot of things in mind..alot of views..but its all lost..because im getting **irritated with my family members breaking my train of thought..and now..ive completely forgot everything..**im irritated..
whatever it is its human to have doubts..its okayy to have questions..but the most impt thing is to clear them all..yes..i do agree u are one big asshole..just as im not a small jackass either..i feel as if ive been telling God through my actions tht hey..i dnt need You..i can handle things on my own..acting like a smartass..i seem to have really backslidded..thts why i wana go for praise and worship..i feel so certain..ive closed the door tht God has been knoocking on..i dno why..i really cant feel Him at all..
whatever i think may be wrlds apart frm what u may think..thts because..under the our scrutinity of the bible..we pick up different things..we chose what we wana read and what we dnt wana subconsciously..
on the contrary..50 cent over the radio is only evoking the ugly side of human nature in me as i get worked up and irritated and vulgar..50 cent sucks..toxic is ringing and its not failing in unleashing migrain..
i feel like im on fire..not for God sad to say..but i feel the rashness..i need to do something crazy before i turn crazy..i need to do something absurd and get an earful for it before i go insane..insanity is one of the many causes of syphilis..no i do not have syphilis..since there is no way of me contracting it.....
it is ot a phrase tht has been applied loosely if u believe in what u say..if u trust tht God has the upper hand..to me..tht is the way its gonna work..even if i think otherwise..i'llforce it out..
i dno what im saying..i vaguely have a clue..i keep pressing the wrong keys..im getting irrate..im just abt to start screaming..pls shut up..ur very presence irks me..will the pple at the bakc jsut shut the hell up??i need to go for a swim/.and attempt to drown myself..
the bible seems to hold no meaning anymore..as i fail to find anytihhng applicable..maybe cause im too quick to dismiss it as inappropriate..i dno..i keep tyoing wrongmyl but who gives a **..im sick of myself..i should get a sex change??maybe extreme makeover??i dno..im so bored of starin at the same peercon in the morning in the mriooir everyday..i dont cnar anymoer if im spelling wrongly..i snt want to stop typing..but i have othingk more to say..
i shall stick to the same..things happen for a reason..because God is in conteol..He'd never take us for a ride..i think..i dno..i guess tht w whay inm feeling this wy..thts why um being tormneted so bad..i dnto..maybe.???i say..just maybe..
im one who doubts quickly but belives srtongly..makes sense??i dno
nmake perjfectf sense to me..ahh..
***************van*************************************************
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Wednesday, March 03, 2004
The song playing in the background harmonises with the typing of my keyboard brings back this nostalgia, of something words cant express. you know its the same as sometimes you listen to certain songs(that'd be worship ones for me) and it causes waves of emotions everwhelming you, causing involuntary spasms(that would for me be at the tear ducts)..
hold me deeper into Your grace
the river tt flows from the holy place
wash over me, cleansing me through
my greatest love is You
it seems like everytime i hear this song.. love overwhelms me, it's not the plain, simple.. 'i love you, you love me' kind of love. its that.. 'i really love you and i mean it from the bottom of my heart' kind of love. I'll just feel like I really love my family, my friends, especially you. you wont know who u are cos i doubt u'd be thinkiing the u refers to someone else.. but it's actually you. okay, this makes no sense. yeah, i wont tell u who you are cos im sure you dont feel the same way for me, instead you'd probably not feel that much love for me. so if i were to tell you about it, id just be embarassing myself. but what the. sigh, i beseech all you fellow Christians out there to pray for me and my family cos, yeah, we're facing some sort of crisis, its not the normal crisis you get, its the serious one.. sigh, you say everything happens for a reason, for a purpose, though i'd like to believe that but dont you think that sometimes its not the way it seems. Like i remember some time last yr when we were having cell in class and we cajoled edwina to join in? and she distinctively mentioned a point that many a times we use that oh so comforting sentence too losely.. that really, EVERyTHING happens for a reason? I dont know, im feeling like a total asshole.. but analysing the pits my family and i are in, i cant help but ask.. is there a reason? God is our father and Im sure He loves us so so much that he was willing to send Jesus to die on the cross for us. but why dont it seem like wtv im facing now is totally opposite from what blessings i should be receiving as a child of God? i dont know.. all i know is im full of doubts, full of questions. I've been asking God so many things, ofwhich i know many have been answered and many more significant ones have not. I really want to hear his divine voice comforting me, assuring everything is gonna be alright cos He's taking charge of it. i just feel that there are alot of things that God wants to tell me, but all i know is that i havent been hearing anything. and all i have to blame is myself. im causing my own pitfalls, im causing my own failure, how stupid of me.. i havent been putting God first.. i ought to be stoned. . really. God has really been so good to me, answering all my material and selfish wants.. i asked for a digi cam, He gave. I asked for letting me forget bout someone, He gave. I asked for minor things, He gave. yet, i couldnt even give Him anything, not even something as little as a minute reading the bible. funny how i could just plong myself on the couch watching a stupid box which brings me nothing but doom, which allows for penetration of sinful deeds, thoughts. yet i couldnnt even get up and spend some time with my saviour, the one who loved me so much.. ah, im such an asshole. now everything else seems so mediocre to me.. trust to even let the fact that there are people whom i dont like going for my church's praise and worship concert deter and desuade me from going to praise God. nothing will stop me.
Find rest my soul in Christ alone
know His power in quietness and trust
when the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the floods
I will be still
know You are God
find comfort all you who are weary and heavy laden,
God is there..
bev.
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Wednesday, March 03, 2004
im glad for you..
im happy ure changing..
i dno wad else more can i say..
im glad uve dropped the fags..at least for now i guess
but ultimately..
its Christ tht matters..
i guess if u were a fagger..a dinker..a smoker..a everything-tht-a-sinner doess person..once uve found the direction..was uve started to see the light..u'll start to realise how bo liao fagging..gaying..boozing are..yeap..and i guess naturally..as a true blue christian..u would wana change outta the love u have for God..
the feelings are coming back strong..fullfledged..like an unleashed bull..i dno why..
i realise..last night during ballet..everything concerning u..can be controlled..as in strictly you only..like for example..feelings..i started of so sian..wishing to kill the teacher..feeling full of hatred towards ballet..but towards the end..i managed to channel all tht wasted emotions and energy..into doing something right..so the only reason..i should think ..tht ure feeling miserable and etc..is cause ure letting urself be like tht..therefore the only reason i am feeling miserable..letting those dreaded feelings return..is because..im one big looser..im letting myself get beaten..by myself..the only reason i cant seem to stand up is because im letting myself get pushed over by myself..looserfied..ahh
i thought i decided to change my transparency into opaqueness???the only reason pple can see you is because u can see them..if u pretend to not see them..wont u appear transparetn too??i dno..cel and i tried today in the hall..didnt seem to work..since we decided to plant ourself in a really strategic spot..sandwitched between the pillar and the strip of banner tht barely covered the two of us..i'll continue trying..but pls dont mistacke me for being dao..having atittude prob..im just trying out an experiment..proving my hypothesis..
ahh..and i realise how spinning helps..i like spinning..wiht three pple..tht way..u'll laugh away all the shit bottled up..and for just tht brief moment..forget wad hurts u most..i like spinning..to beebs and cel..i want to spin again tmr..deal?!?!?!?!?!
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Wednesday, March 03, 2004
yes im on again..hi clau..yeah u can stay for happy hour too..i was hoping for company..ahh..i still dnt understand vanessa kang syndrome..i guess..i CHOOSE not to understand since its a MANIC RUN-OF-THE-MILL mentality..ahh
let justice prevail..and may God protect the righteous..but whatever the outcome..good or bad..happy or sad..just rmb..never ques the Lord..He put You here..He put u through it..He'ld have a reason..kkaes????if theoutcomes negative..take it as a test from Him..if the outcomes positive..thank Him for it..He'd stand by you forever if you let Him..so open up and let Him in..tests tests tests tests//like what jenna said..u might just grow so numb towards tests tht u might not even know tht ur o's are actually o's..
i have nothing to do..i have nothing to say..i came up here just to offer this wrds to my fren..dont fret...captain underpants is here..okayy..tht was nonsense..if u wana listen to some advice..im just a call away..if u want some physical comfort..all i can offer is my shoulders..but tht would mean im a few expressways away..whatever happens..im always here..its whether u wana come find me or not..God has His reasons..i'll look up bible versus regarding stuff like the rights being wronged wrongly..meanwhile..just thrust all ur woes to the Lord..and walk as a free (wo)man..knowing He can take it all away..
im falling in love!!!!................
with ..............
Evanescence - My Immortal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ahh..i wonder why..dont u too??as in u u..tht u who knows why..
ohh tht structure of the female repro system..tht i labelled as "the bone structure"..is actaully the pubic bone..and ovules dnt belong to human..hah..and i thought it was the ova..ahhhh
stupid..
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Hello!! Clau here!! Can see.. See down there.. Last line, the purple line? There... Clau..... See? (clau is practically my real name liao....) And right now i'd rather post here than in my own blog.
Ok ayway, i juz wanna say.... Vanessa kang syndrome is a hyperbanal superordinary extranormal manic run-of-the-mill mentality. Which is to say, it is what everybody thinks expressed. Make sense? heehee...
Yeah..... you get numb to tests, i finally pay attention to tests.... I got like 0 marks for summary... go see ur TYS answer scheme, Nov 1982... And Bio test. Supposed to state function of the part (5). First, i labelled it as cervix. Then i stated function of part (1) instead of 5. WHO CARES... i think i got more than full marks for chinese test :) at least i'm guaranteed 30 marks for the first page :)
JESUS ROCKS.......
Can i stay for happy hour too? Just to study?? Can??
And... By the way.. in dictionarys, f**k has been downgraded from vulgarity to just offensive language. Stupid right!! that just shows how degraded society is becomming. I wanna be a student forever. THat means i'll never have to take to o levels and i'll be in school forever....... But how will i support myself?
And I CUT MY mane again!!!!!!
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Celestebelieves with God; everything's alrite.Tuesday, March 02, 2004
hello
im back again..im back again..im back againnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i realised ishould put my crazy stints aside for awhile..im not talking abt lameing and crapping..those i can never live without..but i should stop doing things tht could put myself on the line..i did something crazy today..stupid..not crazy..and i chased by that dog right up to my gate..i love dogs..i really do..puppies and what not..but tht thing tht pple call a dog..no..i hate it..
anyways..do i look like im a sch drop out??cause im seriously considering doing something tht will render my expulsion frm sch..ahh..what with putting my crazy stints aside..opkayyokayy..i shall stick to my prev plann..
mr anthony..u are freaking me out..f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g me out!!!!!what with l1r5..its still too soon..let me get my grds straight then we talk oksyy??wait for me to fix myself on all the ones first then we talk okayy..??
i am numb to all the tests tht we are having..i no longer feel the stress im supposed to feel..the strin tht could break me apart..ahh..like what a jerkass used to say..what doesnt kill u makes u stronger..i guess..in this sense..yarh..so wad if i have 5 test in 5 days??so??its nothing..its the norm already..i am so proud of myself..i studied chi.!!!!omyomyomy!!!!!!!i dnt exactly kno wad i wana talk abt..so its all in bits and pieces..im having happy hour with mr lee this fri..after sch..in the counselling room..with my three zuo wens tht i owe him..who wants to join..erm..no booze allowed..just water..no fags allowed..
im getting really peeved with pple using wrds like fuck..cheebai..in public..dont u have a sense of shame??i kno i utter wrds like assholes and what nought very frequently too..and im not gonna say fuck is more wrong than asshole,,since a wrong can never be more wrong than other wrongs..im not saying its more vulgar..but..can u at least watch ur tongues??arnt u aware of the pple ard u??u think its cool??u puctuate every sentence with fuck..can u imagine..hi fuck welcome fuck to fuck macdonalds..its ridiculous i kno..but in the bus..when u listen to conversations..definitely not eavesdropping since it seems as if they are making an announcement..fuck is an adjective..a name..a noun an adverb..everthg..like this particular conv i rmb vivdly..hey fuck..stop talking..its fucking hell irritating..hello?????this is total nonsense..im not saying im a saint..i do rattle this wrds once in a while..but read:once in a while..i use them when the occassion calls for it..even the asses tht i say never serve as multifunctional..watch ur tongues..pple listen..pple process..pple shake their heads at you..even if u dnt want tht little dignity u are entittled to..save the rest frm the misery..the embarrassment..because of this..and many things ur kind does..makes me a racist..im not saying only the black do these things..im very aware tht chinese do such things too..and tht is much worse..muchmuch worse..
ahh..
van.
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Tuesday, March 02, 2004
okayy..apparently..i have NO LIFE..NO..ZIT ZERO NIT NIL..i shall attempt a little malay..tak adah..correct??i dno..its so borring..i wish to talk to somebody..but im too lazy to pick up the phone to call anyone..but then again..even if i managed to call..i wont have a thing to say..so what the..
ive gotten into the habit of 'what the's..'what the hell's..'asshole' ..'ass'..yes i totally agree..though ive adopted them as part of my limited vocab..vulgarities are not the way to go..try changing me if u even bother..try..
i wish to talk to you..but i have totally no intentions of forgoing my pride and my big fat ego..anyway..why should i initiate??stupid i guess..really stupid..thts how stupid i am..its all abt choices rightt..like how i choose not to start studying now for chi and bio test tmr..only to pia like siao laterr..if i have the determination..and how ive gladly decided to leave our survey in sch and not start collating the final part..ahh..i keep procrastinating..its my middles name..first name i should think..i thought we aimed to finished this crap by feb??and guess wad?? theof march today!!!!!!yay!!!!!ahh..weve gotta sit down and call the patient..but im not interested at alllllll....at all..i feel like abandoning this entire shit..and just sit here and rot..ahh..how could i..after all weve so gladly been through..sighh..im bored..thts all i have gotta say huh..im nored of blogging..but yet ere i am still stuck here blogging..stupid..im bored of this rat race..i might as well put an end to it all right??
byee
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Monday, March 01, 2004
this is my blog..mine..all mine..its ours but its mine..since u always see me..and noone else..but me me and me..so its MY BLOG!!!!!
i make perfect sense to myself..so i am not nonsensical1!!!!!dnt ever say i am!!!!
celeste..dnt stress..it rhymes so what the..ahhhhh....yesyes..dnt stress..if u ever..lets go for a screaming session..i dnt mind..in fact i like..ahh..screaming is good..lets scream till we go bust..ahh/..screaming is funn..
boring..its lunch now..and i am going on a diet..yay..winny is not innocent,,never..and never will be..she doesnt wear a jacket because she is cold..she wears it for other reasons..but i shall not betray her..but just shake my head in dismay.,.tsktsk..naughty girl..u suck!!!!!!!!!!!!ahh..im bored..im very bored..im legally and officially bored..and what the hell is with pple who get pissed with wad i type in this blog..noone asked u to read my posts anyway..if u are gona get peeved by my entries then forget abt coming here..i didnt invite u here..u are just being a big busybody..busybusybody..so just ass off if ure not happy..but i shall forgive u since u didnt come confronting me..but then again ure sucha coward..telling pple ure pissed with my post but not telling it to me..ahh whatever..im not asking for a confrontation..so what the..
ahh..
byee
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Monday, March 01, 2004
yes yes vanessa, you blogged 10 consecutive blogs after i did mine. So here's some redeeming grace.. im blogging now.. happy? okay, im feeling so guilty. havent been to church for quite a while, haven't read the Bible for ages.. ahh, i feel so distant from God, in fact I really am distant from God. im so ashamed to even say that. God has been so good.. but it seems as i I havent actually been grateful to Him.. yeah. rushing off.. bye
bev
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Monday, March 01, 2004
sigh..i feel so alone now..its so late and i cant get to sleep..all cause im thinking..thinking and thinking..thers sch tmr..and its already almost one..i know ure back..haven 'heard' frm u yet..u prolly will never read this..cause i will never give u the url and neither will u ever find out abt this so what the hell..i should be trying to get some sleep right..but i cant..insomia..hahah..sleep is running away frm me..i cant catch you!!!getting cracked up and cranky..laming ard with myself..everyones asleep..i feel so lonely in this house..sometimes i wish it were smaller..not tht this is a palace or wad shit..but..yarh..but even if it were smaller..at this time u all will still be hiding behind ur doors..sleeping with sleep..tsktsk..ahh..im getting all crappy..i'll most prolly suffer tmr..and i'll probably be all cranked not wanting to talk and all..wad can i do..its now i wana talk but everyones dead asleep..sighh..ive been doing a lot of thinking and with tht comes missing..but missing is only done on my part so its not fair..i dnt see why u deserved what im denied and how come im not allowed to forget..they say..if God brings u to it..He'll bring u through it..but mind u..through it isnt trought it the way u want it to be..ahh..
i need some money!!!not some..i need lotsa..but then again..even if i have money..would materials buy me tht happiness??ive got other kinds..but i want tht happiness labelled with tht wrd..but imnever gona get it..okay never say never since with God all is possible..its unlikely for me to get it..so what then heck..why do i even bother when u dnt even know im bothering..ahh..i need money!!!!i read in todays paper..(i think) tht a mamasan earns abt 5000 a month..so u pple..if u need money..pls call me at..1800-be-my-mamasan..call asap okayy??i know u need the money too..ahh..im crappy again..i wish i could stop..but whos gona plugg in all the loneliness..all this emptiness??noone..i wish God could materialise in frnt of me now..but its His wishes..ahh..im gona catch some winks..wheter i manage a not..at least i'll be forgetting for those few hours..at least i hope..
ahh..ahh..ahh..can u hear my silent screams..how can u be so ready to push me aside..i feel lonely..i need money..hahahahahahahah..im freaking myself out..why??i dno..why??i dno larh..why??I TOLD YOU I DNO!!!!!!!!okayy tht was crap..toddles for now..see you..if i'll ever..darn it..u wont be reading this so what the hell..nightnight..
sleep come to momma pls??
byee
van
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Anonymousbelieves with God; everything's alrite.Monday, March 01, 2004
